Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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