How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
