My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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