I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
