Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t yaâ€
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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