I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
