omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
