I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
