So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
