im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
