It's Friday. Sex?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
