Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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