If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
