Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
