I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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