The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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