well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
