bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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