just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize