You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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