I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
