I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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