So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
