butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
