you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
