seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
