Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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