It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
