You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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