i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
