thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
