It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
