I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
