Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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