Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
