I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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