Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize