I wish I could teleport
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
