I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
