I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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