we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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