Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
