I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
