oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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