Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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