ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
