eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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