Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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