I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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