The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
