This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
