I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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