If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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