found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
