This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
