I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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