If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
