I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
