I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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