At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The adults are the big ones right?
i out mim tonsoeep
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