i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
