I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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