Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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