Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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