I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
