I hate your face
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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